Obama's Nobel Peace Prize-My (Unscripted) Reaction:

Here are some highlights from the less-clear sections of audio:

It's true! By donating two photos to the innovative Boobiethon project, I've supported breast cancer research. It's simple, it's controversial, and it's effective. I love pushing the envelope for a good cause. :) You can join this cause by contributing photos (like I did), donating money, or both.

Of course, Boobiethon isn't the only great breast cancer research project you can be a part of--I've put together a comprehensive post of ways you can get involved and raise awareness of breast cancer (October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month) on Make Me a Hot Mama. Check it out!

Being involved in Boobiethon helped me realize what I've been missing since we PCS'd (moved) to Japan: passion. Since I don't have daily access to CSPAN and other breaking news sources anymore, my position on the forefront of most political skirmishes has been compromised. I've had to take a step back. I've been forced to resurrect pieces of me I thought I had lost long ago; the sliver of a fiction writer in my right brain, the crusader-activist-volunteer sheathed in a cynical heart.

You can expect to see more of these pieces in the future. I'm writing a mystery novel that might actually be worth something. I'm going to be reaching out and lending a helping hand (and a loud voice) to worthy causes. And, obviously, I'm still going to be that irreverent girl you love to love and love to hate.

What? I just saved a life...or two...or three...that's not nearly enough to turn me into some kind of lecturing goodie two-shoes.

Go look at my rack.

I almost needed a straitjacket today. It was one of my husband's eight hour days that morph into a ten, eleven, twelve hour deal--"But, hunny, my right pinky finger is actually that axis-thingy the world spins on! I can't leave yet."--and my rambunctious toddler decided to spend all ten, eleven, twelve hours of said day alternating between tantrums and great wails of despair. I love teething.

6 hours in...


11-ish hours in...This is why I'd make a terrible (full-time) single parent.

But it's not really as funny as it sounds--military spouses do suffer from a high rate of depression. We, the lowly, forgotten spouses, deal with real stress--real pain--whether it's stress transferred from our counterparts, loneliness, or the loss of friends, jobs, roots, and slash or dreams.

Let's face it--Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine wives slash spouses have a tough gig. Ideally, we need exorbitant quantities of patience, self-sacrifice, goodness and light, ad nauseam, yada, yada. If you're nodding your head right now because that just about describes you, congratulations, you just won a random spouse of the year award! Woohoo. For the rest of us, you'll likely need to do the following:

• Bitch Vent and share experiences with sympathetic people.

• Swear. A lot. (See: Swearing lessens pain. It's science!)

Although I don't have any real statistics for you to munch on, I can tell you that I'm not residing in a padded cell, on sedatives, or otherwise coo-coo for cocoa puffs. Why? Because I have a world-wide network of support via the internet. I'm living proof that you should:

Twitter (for your health!). Facebook (for your health!). Read blogs--check out Milblogging --and comment (for your health!). Gab on Cafemom (for your health!). Friendfeed (yes, for your health).

Social networking is free (unless you count your internet bill) and won't cause dry mouth, heartburn, or cranial bleeds!

Reach out, be yourself, and don't be afraid to try something new and make a new friend. You'd be surprised at how welcoming and encouraging the online military community is.

09.11.01.

"Something happened. Something has gone into the World Trade Center. Oh my god!" the newswoman sobbed, her rational monotone cracking into the foreign squeak of a terrified little girl.

I blank after that, a gray fuzz of pain and fury blanketing everything. I do remember the announcement of both attacks on my kitchen radio. It was flimsy plastic, a jaundiced white. One of those screwed-into-the-underside-of-the-cupboard AM/FM only radios, with a crappy speaker that blurred, distorted, the soundtrack to my nightmare--the nation's nightmare. I do remember how personal the rising death toll felt. And I definitely remember the tears, the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same. I guess I was scared. I don't know for sure. I had nothing to compare this to, this tingly, hollowed out emotion swirling through my gut--except for that time we hid in my bedroom closet after a bullet came through our living room window, but that was five minutes, five fixable minutes that the police could and would resolve. This, these attacks, you couldn't fix that. You can't fix that. Like a dehydrated, discarded corn husk, my insides were shucked out.

Eight years later, I don't need to remember those tears. Truth is, I've never forgotten them. Every September, I still cry tears of anger; tears of loss--for those who were senselessly lost in 9-11's horrific attacks; tears of gratitude--for the sacrifice of those still fighting terrorism. Today, my tears are for one of our servicemen lost at the Pentagon, Lt. Commander Eric Allen Cranford, USN. Thanks to the remarkable efforts of the 2,966 Project, I have the honor of remembering LCDR Cranford and shining the spotlight on his sacrifice, his irreplaceable life.

On September 11, 2001, LTCDR Cranford was struck down in his prime, 32 years old young. He is remembered as a talented aviator, as a dedicated Navy officer with a distinguished career and a keen mind, but he is also remembered as a husband and a friend. Born in the small town of Drexel, North Carolina, his childhood passion for school, church, country, and flying compelled him to choose to pursue his dreams via military service in the U.S. Navy. No slacker, he chose a double major (political science and economics) and the ROTC program at North Carolina State University as his route to getting a pilot's wings. As a helicopter pilot, he spent two overseas tours flying missions in the Persian Gulf. After being assigned to the Pentagon, he continued to work towards a master's degree. In light of his many years of service, he received several awards posthumously, both civilian and military honors, including the Order of the Long Leaf Pine (the highest service award given to civilians from his home state) and an MBA degree from the university he was attending.

I wish I could give you a better glimpse of who Eric Cranford really was, not just the cold, hard-edged statistics. Reciting his resume feels shallow, unfair to those whose lives he touched, whose lives he shared. I do know that he lived a life of selfless service. I do know that we lost much more than just a vital cog in our military. We, you, me--America--lost a man who is remembered as sweet, funny, and honorable (which, admittedly, is a pretty rare combination). A friend remembers a high school Mardi Gras celebration where " [Eric] dressed up like his French teacher, complete with corduroy pants, blue V-neck
sweater and drawn-on mustache..." Unfortunately, I wasn't able to contact his wife, Emily, in regards to this tribute, but I'm sure she will appreciate your thoughts and prayers this September. I cannot imagine her loss, her pain, her scars.

LTCDR Cranford's legacy of service lives on with a scholarship Emily established. To the best of my knowledge, you can still contribute to this scholarship fund.

Sources:
pentagonmemorial.com
legacy.com
arlingtoncemetery.com
washingtonpost.com
wikipedia.org and wikisource.org
rhsmith.umd.edu
history.amedd.army.mil

So, please, whisper a prayer today, for Eric Allen Cranford, for his family, for all those who have lost friends and family in this travesty, for all souls lost, for our brave new world. Even if you're not quite sure God is even listening, whisper a prayer, a thought, a vow, to support those who continue to fight the evil bastards who senselessly killed our countrymen eight fateful years ago.

Never forget. Never surrender.

@adbert

His best tweet of the week: RT @TimothyCarter: 10 Basic Rules Of #Twitter (And How To Avoid Being A Twanker) http://ow.ly/koIB 5:43 PM Aug 18th from TweetDeck

@aka55

@BearTwinsMom

Her best tweet of the week: is private...Add her and see!

@beulahgg

Her best tweet of the week: RT @foxnews: POLITICS:4 American Soldiers in Iraq Charged With Cruelty, Maltreatment. http://tinyurl.com/n4bay2 ||some of this raises questions #tcot about 13 hours ago from TweetDeck

@bhaddad

His best tweet of the week: I'm flattered that my checklist for tomorrow's trip includes #penisnapkins. Hope I'm up to the task. 10:29 PM Aug 19th from Seesmic

@bookieboo

Her best tweet of the week: In honor of breastfeeding week, i'd just like to say that my right is the overachiever

@ConservativeGal

Her best tweet of the week: Y R Republican scandals generally about woman & Democrat scandals are usually about corruption? #tcot #cwot

@davidoberry

His best tweet of the week: #twitter #fail ? Said..client made 2 many requests..locked out 20,846,412.7 mins? 39.635824 yrs? Longer than God punished the Israelites? 12:23 PM Aug 20th from web

@dennisluce

His best tweet of the week: No Ed Schultz, conservatives don't want the President to die. We want his policies to fail & the country to prosper #tcot 9:31 AM Aug 14th from txt

@femmepatriot

Her best tweet of the week: @MaureenDowd : 60, Post-Menopausal, Childless & Desires Sarah Palin http://tiny.cc/3UTfq Dowd, your typical bitter Liberal woman. 12:48 PM Aug 16th from web

@fire4yahweh

Her best tweet of the week: My mom's co-worker--USAF SSgt & new mom, were on the #Lockerbie flight. Those grandparents never met their granddaughter. #tcot

@FreedomFactory

His best tweet of the week:@griffinsgarage 60% tax & inflation burden 4 middle class is dangerously close to slavery, or serfdom

@greeneyedkat

Her best tweet of the week: #Nevertrust a guy who doesn't wear a belt.

@ImWendy

Her best tweet of the week: FYI- If you're out of oil AND butter, trying a little mayo in the skillet when you want an over medium egg is a bad idea. #justsayin

@jenciTN

Her best tweet of the week: RT @AJae: @jenciTN Con girls wearin beef jerky bras: new plan 2 encourage compliance w/ the Constitution! #tcot || We gots a STRATEGY NOW

@jenny_lynn

Her best tweet of the week: How can a President of this U.S. appt. anyone that self reports being a communist at any point in their life! http://bit.ly/FtPnA

@jimmiebjr

His best tweet of the week: I don't like the term "public option". It won't be optional.

@kissmygumbo

Her best tweet of the week: Writing letters to send overseas. My 3 "unofficial" adoptions. Adopt your own hero http://soldiersangels.org

@Linc4Justice

His best tweet of the week: Dear Zooey, after seeing your Cotton commercial I only have one thing to say to you: Will you be my love snuggles? http://bit.ly/1qXUV

@MelissaTweets

Her best tweet of the week: Blood, guts and Nazis dying painful deaths. Pure Awesomeness! Insufferable Bastards gets two thumbs up! Loved it!

@Michelle_Moore

Her best tweet of the week: Am I to understand it like this: It's totally immoral to deny healthcare, but completely awesome with God to kill tiny babies? That's weird.

@midlifechick

Her best tweet of the week: Has everyone considered preparedness? Do you have food, water and necessities to sustain you in event of supply disruption?

@MilitaryMama

Her best tweet of the week: @Totally_Toni I did a report for my bible class in jr. high on the life of Jerry Garcia. My teacher wasn't thrilled about it but I loved it!

@Morticia626

Her best tweet of the week: @kurtis_marsh it's a scientific fact that the south has more mullets per square mile than the north. Lol

@Navitor69

His best tweet of the week: Osama: Republican conspiracy out to kill health reform http://a.gd/d5aea8 <-- Ya, those Scawy 40 republicans, 10 of whom are liberals! #tcot

@nil17

Her best tweet of the week: I so don't have the discipline to be a writer....I'm working on several projects but wasting time with the interwebz rather than writing.

@notdiyheather

Her best tweet of the week: the moral of the story is: don't show your muffin top, or someone might talk about you on Twitter

@RalphReagan

His best tweet of the week: @bluedevilmsn Ted Bundy escaped twice to kill again we need the death penalty

@reimagin

Her best tweet of the week: @Cody_K WAZZA MATTA PUSSY? 2 F'd UP ON HOPIUM 2 DEFEND URSELF? DUCK MOTHERF'R! 12:23 PM Aug 20th from web

@RightGirl

Her best tweet of the week: How not to offend Christians: Don't blow us up, don't cut our heads off, don't rape our daughters. We're easy to accommodate.

@Ritalynman

His best tweet of the week: Haha!! Too true!!! http://twitpic.com/elted #Iranelection

@RockyTop_VA

His best tweet of the week: The Death Book for Veterans - otherwise known as, 'hurry up and die." http://tinyurl.com/of6b56 #hcr #healthcare #hc09

@saharabloom (Tanya Jonsek)

Her best tweet of the week: Crazy Update - Life took a weird turn on me http://bit.ly/ChWve

@ScaryMommy

Her best tweet of the week: How is it that I hold a BFA in design, have always been employed somehow in the arts, yet am still unable to properly wrap a wedding gift?

@simoncowart

His best tweet of the week: Life is like a rental car. You fuck it up, and give it back. (via @atomicpoet)

@simonprince

His best tweet of the week: @jenciTN that is BS.. tort reform would clearly cut HC costs. But.. the amount of defensive medicine practiced to CYA is hard to quantify

@travelinman52

His best tweet of the week: You know what's interesting? I travel all over the U.S. and rarely ever see an Obama bumper sticker still on a car! Maybe mistake realized?

@zac_in_ak

His best tweet of the week: @AgentIceCream just remember zombies need a firm hand...

@tim_knight

His best tweet of the week: Rep. Davis trying to sell healthcare by saying gov't does it more efficiently, cheaper than private sector. Who buys that crap? #tcot

@velvethammer

Her best tweet of the week: Why does #obama hog the floor more than Americans who come 2 a #townhall ? The more he filibusters less time for REAL concerns of citizens

@Violetlilly

Her best tweet of the week: @opphoto I'm sure it's right next to the clause that lets them take over car businesses and the banking industry.

And AJae's first ever "UnFollow" Friday Award goes to:

@barkway --for a remarkable inability to comprehend linguistic subtleties like humor, irony, or hyperbole, and your unreasonable hatred of conservative women. Ah, barkway, you sad little man:

[This series of screenshots is actually organized in order from first tweet to last. The red lines indicate my tweets, taken from my profile page (which is why they're sans picture)]




Instead of attacking @JenciTN and I, perhaps you should be redirecting your deep wellspring of hatred towards a more appropriate target--like your university. I pity you. It's unfortunate that a fancy master's degree couldn't even teach you basic debating skills, how to use a dictionary, or how to admit that intelligent, opinionated women are intelligent regardless of their opinions. You and I both know that your unsolicited comments definitely wandered into misogynistic territory. So, @barkway, this Unfollow Friday ode* goes out to you. May your own karma return swiftly and take a generous bite from your pompous ass.

Until then, go crawl back to your unoriginal man-cave, crack open a cold one, and howl at the moon, boy:

'Cause your kind of crazy can't be fixed.



----------------------------

*Don't throw the dictionary at me--I am aware that I took a bit of artistic liberty with my usage of "ode" in this sentence...

This is a hard life.

Regardless of the specifics, no matter how beautifully it begins, it is. Every military wife reaches this conclusion, this moment, when she realizes just exactly she's gotten herself into. It starts insidiously -- a nagging feeling in your gut, a seemingly inane fight, or that one bad weekend. Then the little things implode. You start hearing a desolate, self-doubting voice in your head mouthing Dr. Phil's or Oprah's gag-worthy "signs of a cheating man," as your in-brain Lucifer points out your problems (and the stagnating stench of a rubbery dinner in the microwave) while you sit alone, waiting, again. You fight about nothing, and everything. He comes home tense, miserable, exhausted, barking curt briefings instead asking you how your day was. Conversations become stale statements. After enough re-runs of "I'm only going to be gone a few months" or "We're only working late this week" or "I have to work this weekend," you realize that you have a third wheel in your marriage...and that third wheel is you.* That whole "married to the military" thing? Yeah, um, about that--news flash, honey--you're not your soldier's wife, love of his life, numero uno, you're just the noisy mistress who gets paid monthly hush-money to keep her trap shut.

Not that I agree with my own impeccable logic. The truth is, like all good mistresses are, I'm still in denial. I still think I'm number one on the to-do list, and I still have (half-serious!) conversations like this one:

The Wife (sees Soldier Boy's cute behind headed in the direction of the bedroom): Where's my goodnight kiss?!

Soldier Boy: I already gave you one.

TW: No. That was a going-away kiss, 'cause you got off the couch. You can't double-count kisses! Besides, I deserve three good-night kisses to make up for all the lunch and breakfast kisses I didn't get.

SB: I give you breakfast kisses!

TW: No, those are wake-up kisses. You can't double-count kisses.

SB (sighs, comes back for a kiss): Mmm.

TW (cocks an eyebrow): A peck is cheating. Give me a real kiss.

Take that, Army! At least I get wake-up kisses.


-------------


* This post is un-filtered truth. It isn't a rant, but rather, a satirical statement of sad fact. I love America, my husband, the U.S. Armed Forces, and my life. :)

Image by peasap via Flickr

When I was five, a giant mongrel of a dog bit me in the ass and revolutionized my idealistic views on the treatment and petting of cuddly-looking animals: shoot first, ask questions later. (I'm no Steve Irwin.) In all seriousness, though, I freely admit that I'm a huge sissy when it comes to dealing with dangerous animals. I'm terrified that something will get all munch-happy on my poor behind again, or, worse, try to sample to my son.

The base we are currently stationed on in Japan is a very boring place. We leave our cars unlocked, our kids wander at will, and no one is particularly worried about crime. So when the base issued a warning about a potentially dangerous rogue monkey being on the loose, my hysteria levels skyrocketed (evidenced by my twitterstream ):

Read from the bottom up

As always, my wonderful support network of friends on twitter came to support me in this crisis:



Unfortunately, twitter threats only scared off psycho-monkey temporarily, as the base reissued the monkey warning a few hours later with the following comment:

"A Japanese macaque, commonly known as a snow monkey, has been spotted more than two dozen times on [base] and seems to be headed south...'We are trying to scare it off base, and we are working with the local community to make this happen," said [a SF] patrolman. 'The biggest thing we need from people is to make sure they don't go near the animal. It was spotted in housing, and we want to make sure there are no incidents.'"

Great. Now I have to worry about a rabid monkey in my apartment.

While the mainstream media ratchets up the pressure on anyone who dares to suggest that President Obama should put rumors to rest by releasing some form of his records to the judges in the various cases against him (depicting said dissidents-"Birthers"- as deranged lunatics), Orly Taitz's claims of a genuine birth certificate from Kenya are largely being ignored. And, although Major Stefan Cook won his original case against the administration, there has been a virtual media blackout about the progress of this or any current cases involving this controversy.

I have refrained from commenting on the situation because I really can't find any confirmed data to back either side's claims, but after the recent spike in revived interest, as well as the new information becoming available, my conscience cannot ignore the need for America to get this sorted out--and fast. It has already affected our military's ability to function, slurped down ridiculous amounts of taxpayer money, and caused many Americans to lose faith in the democratic process.

Regardless of the actual reasoning behind Obama's refusal to nip the eligibility rumors in the bud, I do feel that the President needs to come forward with the truth. This can't be swept under the rug. I also believe that the Birthers' emphasis on unsubstantiated conspiracy-type theories is killing any chance for legitimate inquiry into this matter.

Did anyone stop to consider that it is quite possible that the whole birth certificate fiasco began years ago, during his parents' divorce case, when a foolish, desperate young woman was doing her damnedest to prove she had a solid case for sole custody of her son? That Obama wasn't aware of the fraud she most likely committed until he was in college (or even later), and that his refusal to release his records isn't about a devious scheme to subvert our government by covering up his birthplace, but rather an irrational need on his part to avoid destroying his dead mother's reputation? As Charles F. Kerchner, Jr. (CDR USNR Retired) points out:

"...with the extremely lax birth registration laws in Hawaii in 1961, Obama could very well have been "born in Kenya" and "had his birth registered in Hawaii" by the grandmother or mother using the simple mail-in birth registration form, with no 3rd party witnesses needed, which was permitted under the rules and regs in 1961...it was [easy] to falsely register a birth in Hawaii in 1961."

In all likelihood, the first time he perpetuated her lie, it was simple enough to justify his own lie-by-omission with the logic that it wouldn't (couldn't) hurt anyone. After he became a senator and was approached by the Democrats as a possible Presidential candidate, he got so caught up in the seductive lure of fame and power, the ability to become a national "hero," that he convinced himself that the inconsequential fib his mother told was insignificant in the grand order of the world. He may even believe that America would suffer if not for his benevolent leadership.

Of course, the liberals' ("Obama-bots") emphasis on their authoritative "leaky-sieve" theory (that too many people would know that the President is lying to possibly maintain a cover-up) is stifling the average, moderate American's ability to ask questions without being vilified. Quite frankly, this defense of Obama's natural-born status is ridiculous. The theory relies on the assumption anyone who is a cog of our massive governmental system is a bonafide expert on governmental security and the prevalence of leaks--if we had accepted that logic in 1972, Richard Nixon would've served his term in peace and wiretapping your political opponents would not only be acceptable, but as standard of a practice as smear ads on television.

Both sides of this controversy are wrong! The question Birthers need to be asking isn't who knows and why are they covering this up, but rather, how can we resolve this issue before it becomes a crisis. We must refrain from the hyperbole, far-fetched theories, and foolish rhetoric that is so tempting to slip into our blogs, articles, and Twitter accounts. What they (we!) should be working to prove is that Obama is, as a natural-born citizen, constitutionally qualified for the Presidency. Whether or not Obama was born in Hawaii, at this point, is irrelevant. Focus on the truth! America needs to unite on the one point we can all agree on:

Barack Obama's natural-born citizenship status must, for the sake of our country's unity and health, be solidly confirmed.

What's your vote on the latest Kenyan Crisis of the Obama Presidency? Would you follow Major Stefan Fredrick Cook's example and give Barack Hussien Obama the finger?

Maybe you would, but unless you're risking your life and livelihood by doing so, you cannot possibly understand the sacrifice it takes for an Army Major to disobey an order, lawful or otherwise. The Army runs on status quo. It's not democracy-you have to follow orders regardless of their sensibility (even if you are a Major)- unless you intend on living the rest of your life with a black mark on your record that makes a convicted druglord look cuddly next to you. If some bigwig decides that your weekend is no longer your requisite off-duty break and should be spent painting the floor of an office building, you will be spending said weekend painting said floor, so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Major Cook is no exception to that reality. In all honesty, if he regularly pulled stunts like this one, Cook would've been extremely lucky if he slipped through the cracks and made First Lieutenant, much less Major. There is no evidence to suggest that Cook isn't a good soldier (during his many years of active and reserve service, it is reasonable to assume that he was activated on more than one occasion, and has accepted overseas duty assignments). The fact that he is so willing to directly challenge this government's authority to command our armed services is an uncharacteristic (and, dare I say, due to the potential repercussions, a heroic) act. A little scary, maybe (treason, anyone?), but, to quote Thomas Jefferson, "I like a little rebellion now and then..."

I have no problem admitting that I, Alison Jerabek, support (t)his message of accountability: as an inactive soldier, as military wife, but most of all, as a concerned citizen who is helplessly watching her country grow completely apathetic as our military, economic, and political traditions disintegrate.

How about you? Will you support his brave, solitary action? Or are you going to sit back with the rest of this sedentary nation and watch the slaughter, the feeding frenzy of hatred that is sure to follow, and eat the usual red herring served with a crunchy side of lies and animosity?


-------------------------------

When she's not busy talking about herself in the third person, Alison (AJae) twitters, mismanages Make Me a Hot Mama Magazine and Blab 'n Flab Freak News Daily, and plays mommy to an adorable little boy. In that order.

“The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. I like a little rebellion now and then.” ~Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to Abigail Adams, February 22nd, 1787.


Image via Wikipedia

and a drive-by tweeter. I would apologize to my lovely tweeps and blog readers about my wayward propensities, and promise to never stray again, but we all know that I'm dirty, low-down, no-good, procrastinator.

It will probably happen again.



P.S. Life is very purposeless without internet access! I hate moving and being forced to wait to get my internet access life back. :(

P.S.S. I'm in Japan now and it's kickass! Photos are forthcoming.

The searing sting of a 16 gauge needle slicing through cartilage is cathartic. I flinch, a single tear rolling down my right cheek.

"That's normal," she says, as I swipe it away.

And, then, the aftermath.

"I smell blood."

Acid. Metallic. Alive.

A exhilarating head rush of adrenaline and emotions white water raft through my synapses. A bitter, grudging goodbye to a career sacrificed by a seemingly random fate for a "noble calling" that no one respects. The realization that I can never go back, never reclaim that part of my life. The severing of the chafing noose of childhood duty and repression: the breaking of my leaden tie to a world where broken promises and no options were 'normal,' a place where progress and sexuality were forbidden fruit.

And, then, serenity.

How can something so painful feel so good?

Once, long, long ago, there was a silly little soldier who liked to argue about politics, her hair, and whatever else lit the fire under her own personal hot air balloon. She annoyed the piss out of her co-workers, her family, her friends, and even the occasional boyfriend (when she wasn't busy finding a new one). One day, she was bumming around on Google, and stumbled across this novel idea known as the Blog.

Never one to pass up a opportunity to start a [verbal] fight, she quickly signed up for a Blogspot account and crafted MySpace worthy debacle blog complete with a cheesy name and URL. [She was such a noob that she didn't know that Wordpress even existed.] Words like 'social networking,' 'SEO,' or 'RSS,' now liberally sprinkled throughout her daily vocabulary, were unknown to her virgin tongue. Hell, she didn't even have a Facebook account.

She wrote her heart out for several months and never received the teeniest bit of attention. Defeated and bored, she deleted most of her posts, set the blog's permissions to author-only, and went on an indefinite hiatus to South Korea a lovely tropical island with blinding white sands and endless umbrella-ed drinks.

Well, maybe not so indefinite.

The blogging world sucked her back in when she was pregnant with her son and she launched a mommy-driven blog that was centered around fashion and beauty topics. After struggling to find a good name (and floundering around without a whole lot of focus), the blog was christened Make Me a Hot Mama. It wasn't any more successful than "Love2Fight" was, but she kept on posting. Due to the fact that she didn't have a dime to her name was permanently temporarily unemployed, she then attempted to niche blog (albeit in a poorly researched and engineered niche) with Blab 'n Bytes (now Blab 'n Flab) Freak News Daily .

She made a dime. And then two. To be precise, she's joined the ranks of the many successful internet millionaires with a whopping yearly income of 240 dimes, and if Google ever gives her that money, she plans to gleefully flip FDR's shiny little head into a scummy mall fountain two hundred and forty effin times. She is a very charitable person. Thankfully, she will not waste anymore of her already wasted life throwing money in mall fountains because, as we all know, she will never pry her well-earned coin from Google's dastardly clutches.

Twitter swooped in to protect her chutzpah from, and I quote, perduring damage. Google it. Still, it was inevitable that her blogging would slowly decline from its pinnacle of bloggy correctness as she quit reading Problogger daily. She decided to screw SEO and search engines as hard as they had screwed her, and made the dubious decision to quit writing content and start writing stories. Or something like that. Most of the time.

Which brings us back to AlisonJerabek.Com, the newest old blog on the block. What's a girl to do? Blogging and Alison go to together like Rihanna and Chris Brown, in a totally healthy, mature sort of way, of course. Those posts that say they were published in 2006? Bona fide, my lovelies. Yeah, a nearly 2-year hiatus in posting is fishy, but that's how she rolls. Suck it, Google. The legend of the internet's most discombobulated and inconsistent blogger shall live on.

And all the people said,"Amen."

---------

When she's not busy talking about herself in the third person, Alison (AJae) twitters, mismanages Make Me a Hot Mama Magazine and Blab 'n Flab Freak News Daily, and plays mommy to an adorable little boy. In that order.

Screaming Out loud in a Soundproof Room
click to enlarge

• 12:51 @Kudzu35 I actually like eating my fries with a sauce similar to that. Not too big on crawdads, though... #
• 12:53 @jimmiebjr @pinkelephantpun Mayo is delicious on anything. Infidels! #
• 12:56 @Morticia626 rawks, too!! Even though I'm trying to abstain from #followfriday. :P #
• 12:57 @pinkelephantpun That's so awesome. I thought I was only person who did stuff like that... #
• 12:58 @Kudzu35 Yummy. My husband hates it when I mix mayo with other stuff. Says it makes him wanna puke. Hahahaha poor guy. #
• 13:00 @Linc4Justice Yeah, um, sorry, in case you forgot I'm an *arms dealer.* Only got minor explosives like C4. And I'm out. #
• 13:01 @Morticia626 is a very sensible woman with good taste. #
• 13:02 @jimmiebjr Too bad. ;) #
• 13:03 @ensredshirt @jimmiebjr Lies! All of them lies! #
• 13:03 @jimmiebjr I shall go forth and preach the gospel of Mayo everywhere. #
• 13:05 @Linc4Justice I know, I'm going through #burnnoticewithdrawal , too. * twitch* #
• 13:08 Okay, so it's #followfriday and you're looking for fabulous new tweeps, and you're like, hey, @AJae, what do you think? Here's the plan: #
• 13:10 Go to my followers list and add every single one of my tweeps (well, except for the 1 or 2 spammy ppl who slipped through the cracks) #f ... #
• 13:12 Add em all! 'Cause I've got the best group of tweeps in the whole Twittersphere, hands down. #followfriday #
• 13:13 @mom2twinsplus1 Ooo, you are in for a treat. The finale is, by far, one of the best episodes ever written. #burnnotice #
• 13:14 @jimmiebjr It's the mayo. Gives me funny vitamins. #
• 13:20 Is It Possible to Balance Life, Work and Family? tinyurl.com/cz3rlh #
• 13:22 Ever find a random piece of, like, your car? You're not the only one: is.gd/m9e3 (Funny) #
• 13:30 Excuse me, tweeps, I have urgent, mayo-fueled business to attend to. *ahem* I mean lunch. #
• 21:38 Blogged: I'm an Ophidiophobic. tinyurl.com/b9fd3f #
• 22:38 Blogged: Non-Dairy Creamer and Gun Powder: Burn Notice Season Finale was Smokin! twurl.nl/sxz5ys #
• 22:49 @jimmiebjr Hahaha you can blame @VioletLilly and Survivorman for the snakes. #
• 22:50 @VioletLilly I did- Forgetting Sarah Marshall was epically funny! #
• 22:52 @mcgburson @Ithildyn I died a little inside when Michael jumped out of the 'copter. I was like, WHAAT?! :P #burnnotice #
• 23:00 @Violetlilly Mmm hmm. Squeaky clean. #
• 23:01 @mcgburson Yeah, but he was like the bad/then almost good guy...Not a true villain... #

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A Black Midwinter's Dream
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• 20:35 RT @infidelsarecool: Another story for the MSM to ignore: "Women-Owned Businesses in Iraq on the rise" bit.ly/5upJW #tcot #
• 21:59 Blab 'n Flab Freak News Daily has completely derailed. I have zero blogging direction. Ugh. is.gd/m1rs #
• 22:00 The only thing worse than being a crappy blogger is twittering about being a crappy blogger. LOL! #
• 22:06 @NCConservative I'm so bummed that this is the season finale already! #burnnotice #
• 22:09 @mcgburson @CClinger Fiona is one bad*ss girl 'fo sure. ;) #burnnotice #
• 22:10 @NCConservative :) I'm good-how *are* you? #burnnotice #
• 22:11 @Mandune @CClinger @NCConservative I think they've just split the episodes up into shorter, more freq. seasons... ? #burnnotice #
• 22:11 @CClinger I'm a sucker for a woman who loves guns as much as I do. :P #burnnotice #
• 22:12 @pinkelephantpun Haha-thanks. I try. Where have you been, lady?! Long time no tweet... #
• 22:13 @NCConservative I've been hitting the Twitter scene in the wee morning hours due to baby drama. Not exactly hiding, just a disconnect... #
• 22:14 @CClinger Ooo. I'm super jealous....But, yeah I agree on the Psych/short seasons thing. #burnnotice #
• 22:15 @pinkelephantpun Busy. Playing single parent while hubby plays Army. LOL! #
• 22:16 @NCConservative Awww I missed you, too. :) I'm going to try to be around more often... #
• 22:18 @pinkelephantpun Almost. They pushed our moving date back to early/mid April. #armylifeisfreakinawesome #
• 22:21 As much as I hate the fact that Burn Notice is almost over, I'll be happy to see In Plain Sight again... #burnnotice #
• 22:21 @pinkelephantpun Girl, you can say *that* again. #armylifeisfreakinawesome #
• 22:22 HAHAHA RT @emueller: I love how Michael's mom smokes even while exercising. #burnnotice #
• 22:23 @NCConservative For some reason, babies don't like to twitter. I haven't the slightest clue why not. #
• 22:24 @Mandune @CClinger @NCConservative Ditto on the pouting. #burnnotice #
• 22:26 @NCConservative That is soo cute. :) #
• 22:28 That's my girl! :P RT @CClinger: I'm better at buying guns than buying shoes, and I'm really good at buying shoes - Fiona! #burnnotice #
• 22:29 Non-dairy creamer and gun powder?! Wonder if that actually works.... #burnnotice #
• 22:32 @CClinger Wow. I'm keeping that one in my "if worst come to worst" arsenal. #burnnotice #
• 22:34 @NCConservative @Mandune @CClinger This is by far 1 of the most complex episodes in the history of #burnnotice. Expect a messy finish! #
• 22:37 Fiona: Blackmail?!?! 'Just get bigger guns'...putting a bullet in Carla sounds pretty good... #burnnotice #
• 22:39 Cause a bright red vintage car that sticks out like a sore thumb is a good escape plan... LOL! #burnnotice #
• 22:41 @CClinger OMG. We are soulmates- all good movies have to have explosions/etc #burnnotice #
• 22:45 @CClinger Oh yeah. I love Bourne, Bond, anything spy/military/etc.. #burnnotice #
• 22:45 @CClinger I've always been the tomboy-more guy friends than girls, didn't actually even have any female friends until the Army #
• 22:46 @CClinger One movie I've never been able to finish: The Notebook. Gag! #
• 22:46 Tough Love RT @CClinger: Whoa..... That's to remind you to be careful *SMACK* wow! #burnnotice #
• 22:51 @CClinger LOL!Let's just say my son better not expect me to sympathize if he decides to like ballet. I'll let him do it, but I won't get it. #
• 22:52 @allapparel That would explain *everything* #
• 22:58 @CClinger To each their own, I guess. Never understood the appeal. #
• 23:00 Oh no he didn't! What the hell. #burnnotice #
• 23:01 He's okay. Of course. Silly me- never doubt Michael Weston. Love the soundtrack for this episode, BTW #burnnotice #
• 23:03 Whoa. Somebody got a little excited. CORRECTION: WESTEN. #burnnotice #
• 23:05 @Sarah_Stuart Thanks. I actually used GIMP- I'm too cheap for Photoshop. LOL! #
• 23:07 @CClinger Have a great night! #
• 23:08 @NCConservative I'm pumped. June=awesomesauce. #burnnotice #
• 23:10 @Sarah_Stuart It's free: is.gd/1aeQ There's a bit of a learning curve, but the end result is just as good as Photoshop #
• 23:10 @NCConservative Augh. I wish. It's not coming back til April 19th, I believe #
• 23:10 @allapparel :) #
• 23:12 Time to head over to A&E for a lil Patrick Swazye in The Beast. #
• 23:13 @NCConservative Hehehe...I'm not sure yet, but I let you know when I figure it out. #
• 23:15 @Sarah_Stuart Well, there are a few tutorials out there in Googleland,but I'm sure you'll do fine on your own. It's user-friendly. :) #
• 23:16 @Sarah_Stuart I had almost zero Photoshop knowledge when I started using GIMP, and I taught myself everything I know. #
• 23:17 @mcgburson I'd love to be Fiona Glenanne for just one day... *sigh* #burnnotice #
• 00:11 @NCConservative From what I've heard, he's still hanging on & fighting it. is.gd/m2tD But I haven't heard anything definitive. :( #
• 00:16 @Sarah_Stuart Sorry, I haven't heard of anything. Rumor has it, if you have a Mac, iMovie can be manipulated to work similarly, but IDK. #
• 00:16 @NCConservative I agree- I'm going to be so disappointed if he doesn't. #
• 00:21 @RightGirl Love your dominatrix article. Now that's what I like to call top-shelf (journalism, of course...). is.gd/m2zj #
• 00:27 @RightGirl I aim to please. Sometimes. #
• 00:31 I'd like to extend a sincere apology to all tweeple who are easily offended. Now, please leave the room so I can continue on my wicked path. #
• 00:38 @tjonsek #whoagirl #youshouldwritepoetry #thanksfortheluvin #youknowyourearockstar #tweetingnothingbuthashtags #
• 00:41 @Jinjirrie Hang around long enough, and you'll see that I hold the record for the most tweets about condoms. 'Cause that's how I roll. :P #
• 00:43 @tjonsek #defendthehashtag #badassesunite #polishesgun #
• 00:45 @ninjen That is one girl movie I actually liked. #
• 00:51 @ninjen You are telling me. Ever seen Knocked Up? Hottest faux pregnant chick ever. #
• 00:54 @ninjen I'd probably stare, slack-jawed, like a idiot. Darn those latent social skills... #
• 00:55 @tjonsek Girl crush #2. After Gabrielle Anwar, of course. #
• 00:58 @ninjen Sweet! Thanks for the RT. ;) #
• 00:59 All the cool kids do it: RT @ninjen @RightGirl Did you see?? I actually ventured into f-bomb zone, with impunity! #
• 01:00 @beulahgg It's rough, I tell ya. ;) How have you been? #
• 01:09 RT @reimagin UM..Michelle Obama attractive? dude, you're kidding? There isn't a designer alive that can make that kind of ugly look good. #

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